March 28,2019

I am sorry

I am sorry for being miserable 

I am sorry for being dramatic 

I am sorry for fearing rejection 

I have been rejected so many times in my life 

Given this feeling 

This sense of worthlessness 

I was never taught that I was good enough 

I was taught that I have to be good enough 

For others 

The way people look at you 

Is the determinant on how worthy you are 

So don’t you dare cry 

Don’t you dare show them weakness 

I have lived most of my life 

Being afraid to cry 

Being afraid to open my mouth 

Because if i say the wrong thing 

My words will get spat back at me

Pain	Peace
Sensitivity	Empathy

I know adversity is good for me 

I know it should motivate me 

But lately I feel tired 

I feel like I am draining myself 

I know the world isn’t against me 

It is my own self that is against me 

The world has so much to offer 

But I don’t go near it 

In fear of rejection 

In fear that once again, 

I am abandoned. 

But I let the world in. 

I gave the world my heart. 

And now I can’t stop crying. 

Because I feel everything

Every emotion is overwhelming 

Overpowering 

Leaving this after taste in my mouth 

Like coffee 

I feel the after effects of the caffeine 

My body starts feeling jittery 

Anxious 

Then 

CRASH

Breathe breathe breathe 

You hold life 

You hold soul 

I should not be sorry for who I am 

I should be sorry for the people who 

Claim to understand 

Who I am 

So no 

I am not sorry