March 19, 2019

I need to alleviate this feeling 

In desperate need of internal healing 

I trip 

But I don’t fall 

Learn how to crawl 

Then learn how to walk 

Outlining my body on the pavement 

With chalk 

Asphalt engagement 

Body splattered on the floor 

In a form that is familiar 

I see a door 

A red one 

Do I go through it knowing the danger that comes when I do 

This wasn’t as fun 

As I thought 

I touch the door handle 

jiggle it 

Locked 

FUCK FUCK FUCK 

The pain isn’t gone. 

It’s elevated 

I’m a helpless faun 

Being chased by a lion 

But I’m also the lion 

I’m crying 

For both

Because I am both the lion and the faun 

Metaphorically I am 

Because I’m already

 gone  

March 13, 2019

Trying to fight my internal oppression by alleviating the depression

 I start suppressing my negative thoughts about myself. 

Such a taboo to talk about my mental health. 

I’m scared of myself because I don’t understand myself. 

Who am I. 

 I do not know but I do know that 

I feel better when I am high. 

Who I am. 

Can be told after I smoke a gram. 

There’s a high demand to demand who I am.

 I can’t stand who I am. 

I don’t know who I am. 

I hurt myself. I am my own worst critic.

 And nobody wants to hear it. 

Retreat. Back into the hole in your brain that you put yourself in when you feel bad about yourself. 

You feel safe. 

You are far from safe. 

Get out of your hole. Get out. Already. 

You’re stuck in a rotting tree. Infested with termites and mold. You’ll get sick if you stay in there. You’ll die if you stay in there. 

Everything around you is growing 

You should be growing too 

You are growing 

you will grow either way

Do not be discouraged if someone is growing faster than you, your petals just take longer to bloom