I Am

You. How do I make this post interesting to, you? Essentially, I was going write about what's been on my mind for the past couple weeks. Something uplifting, something that would possibly touch you. To write to the public means to keep people like you, entertained.  But with the help of self doubt, and anxiety I've decided not to. So, fair warning: there will be a lot of I's, and very little you's. This is not for you, this is for me.

1. I am a procrastinator.
My father told me that he too was a procrastinator when attending college, and continues to procrastinate till this day. Now, there's a difference between a true procrastinator and what my father calls, an "incubator procrastinator." A incubator procrastinator is a person who collects all the data and resources needed to execute, and waits until the last minute to do so. The final product usually turns out fairly well. Only because they've prepped themselves to succeed. A true procrastinator is someone who does not prep themselves for the final product. Someone who doesn't feel the need to do anything. Unmotivated. Lazy. I am the second one.

2. I am a poor communicator.
I feel like this is self explanatory, but what the heck. I truly am the worst when it comes to proper communication. It's difficult for me to keep up with text messages, calls, etc. Even more so, when it really matters. When communicating verbally, I get nervous very easily and I forget words. Seriously, I will start a sentence and eventually not finish it because I don't know remember the word I was going to use.That just ends up with me immediately shutting myself up and leaving the premises.
 Who knew putting words together in a constructive sentence would be so damn difficult at 20 years old.

3.  I am too passive.
Whenever I think of passive tendencies I always revert back to my psychology class in high school. The way my teacher explained the differences between passive, assertive, and aggressive behaviors was via parenting styles. For example, the passive aggressive parent is the parent that doesn't really care about what the child does. There is no reprimanding, no structure, the parent essentially isn't there when it comes to the child misbehaving. Now, to compare that to myself. I am not a parent, but I am just as passive as the passive parent that I explained. When it comes to certain situations that pertain to me getting the short end of the stick I tend to not care. Or I guess, act like I don't care. Either way, the people that wrong me, are my children, and I am the passive parent. I don't reprimand them or tell them what I find is wrong, or makes me feel uncomfortable. I don't do anything to change the situation, whether it be positive or negative. To be quite frank, when a situation arises I shrug, turn my head the other direction, and leave it be.

4. I am lazy.
I am way too lazy to write about the things that are "wrong" with me.

I really just wrote this to remind myself that, yes, you can better yourself. I will no longer be a procrastinator. I will no longer be a poor communicator. I will no longer be passive. I will no longer be lazy. I feel as though if I post this on my blog, I will have formally declared that I will strive to be a better me. To lower myself from others expectations of me. I will no longer let others opinions about me, dictate how I want to live my life. I want to look back on this, as a self reflection.
I made these points about myself quite vague only to have you guys be like, "Ah shit, that's definitely me too". There's something amazing about, people coming together. It's even more amazing when we realize that we are all the same. We all have to realize that we are all shitty people. We are human, it's in our DNA.
I think that's what keeps me grounded. I am apart of a planet that carries 7.53 billion shitty people. That's a lot of people, trying to become a better version of themselves. My problems are so minuscule compared to all of the worlds problems. I have to stop thinking the world is going to stop rotating if I fuck up. You should too. (So, I guess this really was for you. lol. Have a good day).


-Thanks For the Read